I figured 100 consecutive days of meditation would be pure torture, and for the first 7 days, I was one twitchy, cross-legged breath away from quitting. If only I hadn’t made my commitment so public, told all my Facebook friends, blabbed it on my blog and promised I would follow through to the bitter end.
But then it occurred to me. My public pronouncement is the very thing that’s been keeping me going. Pure and simple, it’s shame that’s made me stay seated when my legs have gone to sleep and my knees and hips are burning with impatience. I can’t quit now. I discovered that people are paying attention to this ‘quest’, some watching for me to fail, even more cheering me on so they’ll have inspiration for their own journey, the way my friend inspired me.
My coach says daily devotion leads to discipline and to choose an intention each time I sit in meditation. I confess, my intention has been not to disappoint anyone. Maybe tomorrow will be the day I begin to practice for a greater purpose.
So I sit, night after night, struggling to stay still and resist the temptation to stretch, yawn, check my text messages, scratch my knee. I believe what I’m doing will yield a profound lesson. Otherwise, why would so many yogis, the dalai lama, all those faithful devotees of meditation keep practicing day after day, year in and year out, without needing public humiliation as a motivator?
I don’t know yet, but I AM starting to feel a vague sense of…….serenity. Maybe this meditation stuff won’t be so hard after all.