If I was a quitter, Day 18 would have been the last day of meditation for me. A tense, twisted knot in my upper back was nagging at me, my concentration was shot and my mind was all over the place. I was exhausted from a busy week of catch-up and it was the perfect excuse to say “I’m done. I gave it a good try.”
Then I remembered a phrase we use in herbal medicine to describe exactly what was happening to me: healing crisis. It’s the point where all your efforts to change and grow feel like they’ve come crashing down on you. Up close, it looks and feels like you’re having a personal crisis, in mind, body AND spirit. You tell yourself it’s getting worse, not better, this isn’t what you had in mind when you started. You wonder why you even tried and the effort seems like a waste.
Having made a public commitment to meditating EVERY DAY, for 100 days in a row, I had no choice but to push through, tolerate the discomfort, and give myself a pep talk. And then something unexpected happened.
Day 19 wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was a whole lot more relaxing than the day before. My back loosened up, my thoughts calmed down and 30 minutes flew by. Ok, not exactly flew by, but my impatience with sitting and ruminating was clearly letting up. Slowly, my healing crisis has eased up over the past couple of days.
Last night was Day 22, and those 30 minutes were sort of….nice. Yeah. Maybe I’m getting the hang of this.